Meaningful Connection, Parties, & the ‘Cheap Trick’ of Alcohol

Although one of the first associations with the word party may be alcohol, partying is really about one thing: connection.

If partying was about alcohol, then it would be far easier to just pick up some booze, skip all the driving, dressing up, dealing with awkward social moments, and simply drink (or party) at home. But deep down we have a sense that our attendance is ultimately better for our well-being. Unfortunately, our well-being all too often comes into conflict with another frequent party-goer, alcohol. This conflict aside, what is it that makes us suppose drinking at the party will be better for us than drinking at home? Connection. As social creatures whose survival has always depended on cooperation and interaction, we crave (and need) connection to others. 

Despite our understanding and awareness of this need, at times the little devil on our shoulder chimes in, “Yeah, but you’re not going to know anyone there and it will be painfully awkward.” Or, “The one person you do know will abandon you and you'll be left standing there alone.” Or, “But people will see for who you really are, and won’t like you.” Sometimes these thoughts are enough to keep you from going altogether. Other times, we rely on tools to deal with and overcome these thoughts. 

Unfortunately, there is an all-too-easy solution to address these concerns, a solution widely endorsed and encouraged by seemingly the whole world around us, Alcohol. 

How are we to deal with the fears and discomforts surrounding our vulnerability and need for human connection? Alcohol.

Just. Have. Drinks.

Still uncomfortable? Just proof you haven’t had enough. “ Let me grab you another drink.”

Still uncomfortable? Just proof you haven’t had enough. “ Let me grab you another drink.”

Just a spoonful of sugar makes the medicine go down. And we’ve been conditioned by TV, movies, music, peers, parents, grandparents, and just about every social norm out there that alcohol is the sugar to sweeten the bitter fears accompanying the medicine that is human connection. 

Our conceptual understanding of parties/partying provides a particularly useful platform to examine the perceived role that alcohol plays in relation to connection. And as the, “I Love you mannn’s!” of a drunken night’s camaraderie are exposed to the sunlight of the following morning, what felt like a deep connection often dissolves into mild embarrassment (that is if it survives the oblivion of memory at all). Those drunken ‘friends’ you meet out and about almost never seem to stick around to form deeper, meaningful relationships. When you examine the situation more closely, it appears alcohol is not the cause of connection.

So if parties are about connection, and alcohol isn’t the actual cause of connection, then why is it always there?

The fear of rejection is swapped for an altered state of mind wherein no one is truly available to us, nor us to them.

Rather than causing connection, alcohol is often used as a tool to relieve ourselves from the fears and anxieties associated with meaningful connection. The fear of rejection is swapped for an altered state of mind wherein no one is truly available to us, nor us to them. And this lack of vulnerability, the ability to truly be seen as we are, makes us feel temporarily safe. As the fears slip away the barriers to connection seem lifted. The connection itself, however, moves further and further away, always just out of reach despite having finally worked up the “courage” to reach for it. 

This is the cruel illusion of alcohol that keeps us repeating the same tired magic trick.

When you know how the trick is done, it loses its magic.

The good news is we can begin chipping away at this illusion simply by being aware of it. When you know how the trick is done, it loses its magic. And the rapid ascension of the modern non-alc movement has demonstrated that this crucial awareness of alcohol, its actual effects, and undeliverable promises is growing widespread. 

On a personal level, individuals are becoming mindful of their impulses to drink. They are rightfully questioning the perceived benefit of drinking v.s. the actual outcome. On a social level, the outside pressures to drink are gradually loosening their ironclad grip. Alcohol-free bars (aka temperance bars, sober bars, or dry bars) are popping up the world over, creating spaces for socialization that don’t condone the fallacies of alcohol’s supposed role in aiding connection. On an economic level, the market has risen to meet the growing demand for a variety of quality alternatives to alcohol which give consumers more ability to choose, rather than being dictated what to drink. 

...one can rationally predict that the dynamics of socialization and partying will begin to take a different shape.

As more and more individuals are exposed to the social influences of mindful drinking and market-driven, quality alternatives, a positive feedback loop occurs driving mindful consumers to the exponentially growing non-alc movement. And as we start to normalize the questioning of our impulses to drink alcohol on a larger scale, one can rationally predict that the dynamics of socialization and partying will begin to take a different shape. 

The prospect of a large-scale movement toward a clearer understanding of what we need most, meaningful connection to others, unencumbered or obscured by false premises of substances seems an evolutionary step toward the betterment of society at large. If this sounds like a positive outlook, it is. 

And that itself is a reason to party.

Cheers!